Containers

I escaped to Yoko Ono's Half-Wind exhibit today at the Schirn Art Museum.   This 60 year retrospective deserves multiple visits, but it closes this weekend.   John Lennon and the Bed-In consumed only a fraction of her vast life.   The diversity of the performance art, film, and song struck me for the ideas they presented.  (Cheryl, it reminded me of Jason's Dad's work.)  I just loved it.

One poem/display reminded me of conversations Dave and I have been having with the kids.

you are water
I'm water
we're all water in different containers
that's why it's so easy to meet
someday we'll evaporate together
but even after the water's gone
we'll probably point out to the containers
and say, "that's me there, that one."
we're container minders

Yesterday, Emily explained that the other girls in her class wear nail polish and glitter makeup. Why can't she?  "I want to be beautiful too."  Of course, this comment spurned a lengthy discussion on beauty.  (Is Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth" good bedtime reading?)  I am against the idea of makeup and fingernail polish until she is...older (maybe 21).  As a compromise, I agreed to paint toenails - which for the most part are covered.  Of course, Owen wanted in on the action.  Red on one foot and orange on the other.  Emily grew very concerned "that looks like girls" she said as she pointed to his toes.  So began another discussion....

We do not use gender as an adjective in this house.   We de-emphasize the differences our culture creates for girls and boys.  I avoid teaching my children the “rules.”  "Girls wear barrettes and dresses.  They focus on being pretty, winning a husband, and creating a home.  Boys wear pants.  They are rough and active and strive to be the primary bread winner in their homes.”   This statement sounds extreme.   Yet, gender inequality starts when we emphasize that girls and boys come from different cultures.  A concept carried out as we are raising kids and teaching them the “rules.”

we're container minders.  The kids police each other.  They learn the rules and then focus on how each person implements them.  A kid told Emily her favorite shoes looked like boys shoes  (Boy is not an adjective.  Blue, cotton, white-striped - those words actually describe a noun.)  How do I get the kids to focus on the water instead?